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Love is in the air!!! Valentine’s day is just around the corner so I started thinking about what is real love?
Part I – Soul Love
Love comes in so many forms and sometimes we look for it in the wrong way, or in a way that isn’t healthy.
Recently, I’ve worked with several clients whose relationships have taken a turn in a challenging direction. What I found, is after many years, relationships can get stale. One partner grows in one direction and the other partner grows differently or doesn’t grow at all.
This is a death sentence for a relationship.
Sometimes, we can also have a tendency to rely too much on our partner for everything, our happiness, our fun, our financial stability. When I was very young, I believed that a relationship was not about being everything to each other, but being your best self in your own life and then coming together to share your self and life with each other. I still believe this today.
The mistake most people make is not living their own life and relying too much on their partner. This can cause a relationship to get boring very fast, lose the spark and cause a sense of “neediness” or co-dependency.
The ego has a large role here. The ego is the part of our conscious mind that is very needy. It loves to be right, it’s never satisfied and it’s easily offended.
If you’re in a conversation with your spouse or significant other and you find yourself needing to be “right,” you are coming from your ego, not your heart. Another aspect of the ego is trying to control our partner. Control is borderline abuse. Only the ego believes it has control over anything or other people. This is an illusion and the act of trying to control your partner only causes them to want to get away. Instead, try letting go, being a good friend, encouraging your partner to be the best self they can be. In a controlling relationship, I see the dominant partner trying to keep their loved one from growing, from spreading their wings, from being the best person they can be.
When you love someone and it is “true love,” you want them to be happy, to be free to express themselves and explore their inner desires, gifts and talents. If this means, they decide to take some art classes or enjoy a music concert with a friend, travel to a distant land, or even go back to school, then as their partner, you want to encourage them to enjoy, to be authentic to themselves.
What I have found in these “control” situations, is a partner putting their significant other down for wanting to explore new things and trying to keep them from enjoying life. If you truly love this person, why would you do this? The answer is: our own insecurities. The solution is: Get your own life, your own friends, and do things that make your soul sing…stop relying on the other to be your everything. They never will and they never can be.
When you live your life in the way that makes you feel good about yourself, you have so much more to bring to the relationship. Of course, you want to carve out special time to be together and share your new discoveries, explore and enjoy some new things together.
There are two kinds of love: Ego Love and Higher Self Love. You can already see the destruction of ego Love. True and pure love comes from the higher self or “Soul” self. It has no judgment, it has no need to be right, no desire to control, and it doesn’t get offended. “Soul Love” is real love.
Not sure how to get there, get back what you had or find yourself again? Hypnotherapy with Coaching can be very helpful in overcoming relationship challenges, moving on or coming back together. If you’d like to get your marriage back on track, or need courage to make needed changes,
Call me for a FREE consultation. I’ve worked with many people with this issue and it has been extremely successful. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to and give you permission to be happy again!