February is known as the month of Love! Want to attract or keep true love? True Love Begins with You!
Love is in the air. We all want that special someone who loves us exactly as we are, who would give their heart and soul for us.
True love starts within. Truth is, there is no one “out there” who can give us what we need “in here.” If you desire to attract your ideal mate or you want to take your current relationship to the next level, start by truly loving yourself.
(I've had many clients come to me wanting to find that special someone, but don't understand, finding that special someone begins inside of them. Confidence, and self understanding, self-love are very attractive.)
What does that mean, Truly Loving Yourself? Take time out to do the things that make you feel good. Get to the gym, take a walk, train your dog, golf with your friends, practice yoga or meditation, enjoy some of your favorite music, teach or take a painting class, read a good book. It’s so important to do activities which feed your soul, fill your cup, so you have something to share with your significant other. Also, learn about yourself. What motivates you? Where have you been stuck in limited thinking and negative self-talk...where are you being "a victim?" Time to heal that and move beyond the past!
We must be the true love we want for ourselves to attract a wonderful relationship. Truth: Our partners cannot give us what we don't already have inside!
Too many times, we expect our partner to be our “everything”…to fulfill our every need, to spend every second with us, to do tasks we tell them to or expect them to, and when they don’t or can’t, we feel frustrated, empty and resentful. This is why relationships fail. Because, this is not love….this is called “co-dependence.”
Step 2 ~ Take time each day to acknowledge your partner! Focus on what makes your partner special to you. Notice the little things they do, that you are grateful for. Maybe the way her hair looks pretty today, or that she made you lunch, or smiled at you. Perhaps, that he took the garbage out without being asked, or got your car washed for you. It’s so easy to be complacent in a relationship. It takes a little effort to make it last, to make it special, but not that much, and well worth the effort.
When your partner comes home or visits you, do you get up and smile? Do you make them feel like the most important person in the room? If not, this is something you can improve and will pay in dividends!
Creating a feeling of gratitude is so powerful. When you are dedicated to appreciating little things, your energy towards another changes and they feel it and typically will respond positively as well.
Step 3 ~ Avoid criticism. Accept your partner for who and how they are, not how you want them to be. Everyone’s doing the best they can….we all make mistakes and have patterns of behavior. Love them for themselves…trying to change someone is fruitless, hurtful and completely counterproductive! If you feel you need to change your partner…he/she’s probably not the right person for you. All we can do is change ourselves. At ALL costs: Avoid getting defensive about anything. Defensiveness is your Ego. Take a deep breath, a time out and be with your feelings, find the thoughts that are offended and change them.
Step 4 ~ Do something sweet and unexpected once per day or at least once a week. Surprise your partner with a little token you saw in a gift store which made you think of them, hang that picture on the wall, plant some flowers, clean up the yard, cook an amazing dinner, get their car washed for them, bring them coffee in bed.
At least once per week, (no kids) plan a romantic walk, a bike ride or something he/she wants to do. Hold hands, stop what you’re doing and passionately or gently kiss your partner. When your partner speaks, stop what you’re doing, sit down, look deep in her/his eyes and listen, really listen. It’s not necessary to spend a lot of money to make romance or even Valentine’s Day special.
Step 5 ~ If something really bothers your partner and you can avoid the behavior, then stop doing it. If it makes her happy that the toilet seat is closed, then keep it closed. If he can’t stand when you leave your makeup all over the counter, put it away. It’s not that hard. Resentment can build over stupid little things and kill the romance. Nothing kills intimacy like resentment! If it’s something you can do…then do it! It will save you a lot of heartache down the road and may actually improve your sex life.
It’s amazing how a little can go a long way to an amazing life together!
Something I learned a long time ago and it’s an Important Tip, I want to share with you: Sharing our life with someone is just that…sharing. We are not each other’s life. Our life and happiness is our own. When we are truly happy and self-fulfilled, our confidence in ourselves soars and is very attractive. Have your own interests in addition to the ones you have together. WE bring so much to the relationship and we have much to share and enjoy with each other.
This is true love. It Begins With You!